Staying home from work sick is not restful to me. I have a sore throat, heavy congestion, headache, and a slight fever. I’m not dying, but I really don’t feel well. I haven’t been totally useless today though…I did log in and work for 3 hours this morning.
Laying in bed all day is such a bummer. My mind is full of all the things I SHOULD do so let me…in true blog form…overshare.
Top five shoulds that are currently running through my head:
I should fold the laundry!
I should wash the pile of dirty dishes
I should take this opportunity to get some knitting done
I should finish the last minute planning for Saturday’s church dinner
I should return those e-mails
I should I should I should!!!
Instead of doing those things I lay here in bed watching the Court TV channel. The case is depressing and upsetting…a 16 year old girl died in a house fire because her parents had chained her to her bed with a dog choke collar around her waist. Wow just typing those words brings tears to my eyes. Click…new channel! Why do I get sucked into these things? If it’s a train-wreck I can’t take my eyes away.
Randomly changing topics…other people seem so much more productive than I am. I am not just being hard on myself…I truly believe this is accurate. Tiredness, feeling overwhelmed, being over-committed I think are the source of this problem, at least to a degree. This is not an excuse, but just analysis of the situation. Beyond that I just don’t feel motivated. I’m not feeling it. I don’t care if the dishes get done, or the laundry washed, or the floor cleaned. That said I despise the out of control feeling of those undone things. I don’t like it when our schedule gets crazy. I feel frantic when things are grossly out of balance.
These things that get out of control in my life…I know what needs to happen to deal with them individually…I’m just not able/willing to do what would be required to bring everything into balance all at once. I can keep one to three things under control at any given time…but there are always the other two things that become unmanageable. It’s like the guy who has the spinning plates on the sticks…some always fall.
Over thinking things is another difficulty that I have. Perhaps if I spent less time thinking, musing, and ruminating about things and actually spend that time doing something about the problems I might not struggle with it so much.
For the record I am cracking myself up right now. I love my life even as unbalanced, out of control, and unmanageable as it can be sometimes. Is it time for more DayQuil? J.