Friday, July 30, 2010

"That Saved a Wretch Like Me"

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." James 1:19

Quick to Listen
Slow to Speak
Slow to become Angry

Sadly these 3 things are SO hard to do. I fail miserably at all of them. Last night I was cleaning the carpet and the carpet cleaner was behaving weirdly. I wanted him to fix it...immediately! I just wanted to finish the last bit of carpet and go to bed.

Slow to Speak
Slow to become Angry

I wanted HIM to LISTEN to ME! Did I hear him telling me he wasn't sure what was wrong with it? That he didn't know how to fix it? No...I was too busy telling him I needed him to fix it!

Quick to Listen
Slow to become Angry

With raised voice, and furrowed brow, I gave him the stink eye. Impatient, I snapped: "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!" I proceeded to SAY whatever it was AGAIN! Snap! Snap! Snap!

Quick to Listen
Slow to Speak

Angry I slammed the bedroom door...and sat on the bed. Shaking with rage I was mad at him for not being able to fix it quickly, for not listening, for being angry with me. I was mad at myself...holding my head I realized I was doing it AGAIN! Speaking rudely, disrespectfully, angry over something totally stupid.

Painfully sinful...and desperately wanting to not be. I hate myself when I am like that! Not fit to be with another human being...let alone one I love! I thought he wasn't listening...I was the one not listening. He didn't seem to understand what I was trying to say...I was not even trying to understand what he was saying to me.

Lord - I am not quick to listen, slow to speak, or slow to become fact I am the opposite. I am angry...and feel justified in speaking rudely and saying hurtful, mean things. I am nothing like Christ in those moments. I need you Lord! Thank you that you promise to cleanse from all unrighteousness, and continue the work you have begun in me...I need both badly Lord. Thank you that you say that there is now no condemnation because of Jesus. Please Lord work in me to continue to make me like you. Help me to become quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Help me to be pleasing to you.

T - I'm sorry for being so rude, impatient, unreasonable and angry. Thank you for loving me in spite of my sinfulness. I love you! J.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


For days now I’ve struggled to blog…about anything. I’ve written the following blog at least a half dozen times:

“I’ve lost the ability to write freely…my creative juices were sapped by drive-by criticism and I don’t know how to get it back. I haven’t written much to speak of since. It’s not like what I write is earth shattering, or even of interest to anyone but myself. But now writing on our blog just makes me want to cry. I’m self-conscious and over think every word. Until it can be fun again…until the freedom comes back, I won’t.”

And every time I typed it out I realized that I couldn’t post it.
A. How wallowy can you get?!?
B. I knew in my heart that I would move past the roadblock at some point.

But it remains the criticism hurt. Blogging was an outlet for me, something fun, and an enjoyable way to share the things going on in our lives. I’m not a writer. I wrote from my heart and tried to be as honest as I could be.

So…I’ve worked through my feelings, I received the criticism, processed it, and moved on.


Disclaimer: Read our blog at your own risk! Understand that reading our blog is a choice. If you aren’t interested, or you can’t stand our writing style, feel free to not read it. There are a million other blogs to choose from. We love our blog…our way. We don’t intend to change it…no offense.

We love you all…just as you are! J.

Friday, July 23, 2010

"When You Speak to Me"

When You speak to me
When I take the time to listen
There is more than what I think I feel
When You speak to me
When I sit and still the motion
There is nothing left but what is real
There is an answer to every question
The answer is You

And the heavens open when You speak to me
Pouring light into my waiting heart
And the music fills an ocean silently, quietly
When you speak to me

When You speak to me
When You call me and surround me
There is peace to cover any pain
When You speak to me
When You place Your word inside me
I am filled and I am strong again
There is a reason for every longing
The reason is You
- Twila Paris

Monday, July 19, 2010

Heart ache

My heart is aching with someone else’s pain. Helpless, and wishing I could fix it, but it’s not that simple. Loving them and wanting to hold them tight until it stops. Angry at the causing of the pain, but understanding that pain is usually required for growth and praying that this will be the case here. Praying that truth, honesty and wisdom will guide decisions, that God’s presence will be near to them and that they will find comfort in Him, and that they know I love them. J.

To God Be the Glory

To God be the glory, great things He has done;
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son,
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
And opened the life gate that all may go in.

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood,
To every believer the promise of God;
The vilest offender who truly believes,
That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.

Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
But purer, and higher, and greater will be
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Good the Bad & the Ugly - 071810

I struggle to know what to say. I’m hurt. Tears well up in my throat and I’m angry. Why does he always feel like he has to say something critical or grumpy? Why does he tear down instead of building up? Why do his words hurt me so much? 3 small words…cut me like a knife.

I say “You are too critical, just once it would be nice if you would say something positive” and I walk away. I round the corner and the tears are hot on my face, the sobs threaten to strangle me as I fight them off. I pull myself together because I have to smile and be on. I have responsibilities.

Standing smiling, having normal conversations. It’s all a facade. My mind is racing…was his criticism right?

Self-consciousness. Self-doubt.

Going through the motions, pretending everything is fine. Smiling. Small talk.

Self-criticism…Will I never grow up? Lord will I be an internal child when I am 54? 64? 74? 84? How do I get my skin to thicken? Do I really want that?

Add this to the pile of other criticisms.

I love him. That’s why I care what he thinks of me. I love him.

Anger instead of forgiveness. I need to forgive him. He is what he is. I can’t change that. It hurts. Lord help me to forgive him…not just for this one daggering comment, but for all the comments over the years.

Can I talk to him about it? He will only say that I am being too sensitive. AGH! Am I? Is it just me? Isn't he being INsensitive? Aren't his words critical, negative, harsh, rude? Isn't it natural to be sensitive to words like that?

Lord help me to use my tongue to encourage, to love, to bring happiness, to build confidence. Help me to filter wisely what I say. Help me to see where I have been stupid and hurt others with careless, harsh, words.

There it is…perspective. I am just like him. Flawed.

I love you! I forgive you. 3 words…heal the cut. J.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Happy 20th Birthday Hannah!!!

Chicken Alfredo Fettuccine, Caesar Salad, Cheesy Garlic Bread, and
White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cookie Cake(Mrs. Fields)

Hannie & Iannie

My Pretty Girl!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

20 Years of Hannah

How it can possibly be that my baby was born 20 years ago today...I just don't know. Time truly does seem to fly when you are having fun! She's been my greatest joy, and my most challenging dilemma. Everything about her is a contradiction. The day we brought her home from the hospital she resisted being laid out in your hands she wanted to be upright on your shoulder, yet even now she likes to climb onto her Daddy's lap and snuggle. Her strong-willed, opinionated, determination though nerve-wracking has turned out to be one of her greatest strengths. Timothy used to say she is the best of both worlds...she likes to dress up frilly, and also loves climbing trees. She loves having her hair done, but likes to play in mud, and is a huge fan of bugs and snakes. Wrestling is one of her favorite things to do, as is painting her nails. The best of both worlds.

She is lovely, creative and thoughtful, knows what she wants, but is flexible(sometimes). She likes a good plan, yet can be spontaneous...when it includes pajamas. Her facination with her own eyeballs, naming everything...including her cell phone, and knowing the words to nearly every song from every decade, make her quirky and likeable. Hugging an elderly woman, helping recalibrate their remote, or fawn over their pie endears her to them. I've never met anyone like her, that infectious smile, mischievious look, those piercing blue eyes...she's unique in temperment, attitude, interests, and style.

Whether she calls herself Han, Betsy, or purpleplatapus, she will always be one of many names to me...Little One, Little Lady, Little Lizzie, Sissy, Sweet Girl, Han, Sis, Baby, or just plain old Hannah.

No matter whether we are lovingly affectionate, or furious with one another...we are connected at the heart. Regardless of age we still hold hands, snuggle, and kiss.

Tears rise in my throat when I think about how precious, how special and terrific she is. I am SO thankful that God gave her to me. I cannot imagine what the last 20 years would've been without her.

Happy Birthday Hannah! I love you Baby! Mom XOXOXO

8 days old - the day she was baptized.

Christmas eve - 1990

Her "Emo" phase

Uncle "Dot"

Leavenworth - 2009

July 11, 2010

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

At Arm's Length

You've all seen people doing it, and have likely either done it yourself, or have been a participant while someone else has done it...what am I talking about? Holding a camera at arm's length and taking a picture, either of yourself, or yourself and someone else. Hannah calls this a "My Space shot." Whatever it is called, perfecting this method was one of my goals for this past weekend. The results were everything from terrible to adorable but mostly hilarious. And can I just say...Timothy was getting pretty sick of me by the end of the will see why:

Badly off center and WAY too close:

Still off center, but cute:

Much better:

Off Center - but she's adorable! I love her freckles:

Still off center -

Not a perfectly centered picture, but I love it! He is SO cute!:

On the ferry headed to have dinner with Dawn & Bill
It's SO hard to get the right angle:

That's better!

I was getting seasick and was trying to distract myself by taking multiple shots...poor Timothy...look at his expression in this one(which by the way is the wrong angle and too close):

What a good sport he was!

I had to try one of these...not too bad:

Long glorious day:
Lake Samish, Ferry ride to Kingston, dinner with friends...we're pooped at sunset:

This one is really funny!:

While I am still learning...sometimes I get a really great one like this:

So Happy Together!