Saturday, April 9, 2011

Late Night Thinking

It's in the late night hours(which I don't normally see awake) I find myself thinking.  I lay here in bed, Timothy quietly snoring next to me, the cat on the window sill, frog noises coming in the open window.  I'm too tired to do anything such as read, or knit.  So I lay...thinking.  My cat has come across and is now laying on my chest...purring loudly.  He evidently needs a bath...as he has begun taking one right here on top of me(yes LS. it is a little gross...I have to admit!  :).  Tears have risen to my throat for the third or fourth time tonight.  I'm not unhappy, upset, or even sad...just emotional.  When I take a good long look at my life I feel so thankful.  I'm thankful for my beloved husband...everything from the way my hand fits in his...to the way he gets that funny look on his face.  Thankful for all the happy, peaceful, contented times...and the bumps in the road too.  I'm thankful for the kids...the two that came from my body, and all the others that jumped into our hearts.  I'm thankful for my parents...I love you Mom and Dad!  Happy 75th Birthday Mama!  I love the feeling of your face against mine as we hug!  It stayed with me all day!  I hope you know what you mean to me! 
I'm thankful...just plain thankful...and it makes me emotional.  J.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Half Full/Half Empty

I am a morning person.  Normally I wake organically between 4 - 5(the older I get it's getting to be 5 - 6).  The moment my eyes open I begin to think about all the appointments, the meetings, the tasks of the coming day.  All the potential of the day excites me.  I look forward to accomplishing, connecting...and I purposely anticipate the happiness that this day holds.

Today that is not the case.  Half empty is the best way to describe how I feel.  Dread and fear threaten to wash over me.  What will today bring?  Will I find answers...or just more questions?  Will the future be clearer or more muddy?  Dread and fear.

And as the water cools in my bubbly bath, and I change the music on my Pandora from melancholy piano music to Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace... "My chains are gone, I've been set free.  My God my Savior has ransomed me.  And like a flood His mercy reigns.  Unending love, Amazing Grace."  Hope.  Perspective. 

This day just like every other holds no promise in and of itself.  There are no guarantees of  a great day...things going as I hope...no unavoidable demise around the next corner.  Things good and bad will happen today.  A series of choices face me...what will I decide to do?  I choose to be kind to annoying co-workers, and I will encourage a discouraged old woman where I can. I will ask the questions that my heart is pondering, and get whatever answers are there to be had.  I will seek expert advice and rely on what they know...which is considerably more than I know.  

More importantly I choose to hope in the Eternal, Sovereign God who has a perfect plan for my life.  He knows what today holds, and He is more than enough to get me through whatever it is that today holds. I will trust Him.  I will trust in His plan...in His wisdom.  I choose Half-full!  J.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

First Words

Can you say proud Grandma?
Little Eva at 4 months, said her first words this week.  Sorry Mommy...it was "Da Da" 
Check out this adorable video:
video