4 - Day Weekend

I’m sitting here wondering where to begin. So much has gone on in the last week it’s crazy. I’m on my break so I don’t have an hour to write so I will type as fast as I can and get as much down as I can.

Sweater update: First let me say that I have knitted many sweaters and most of them have been challenging to the skill level I was at while making them. This sweater is going to be the death of me(yes I am purposely being melodramatic!) I literally restarted the back section 5 times because of sizing, or a plethora of simple mistakes. I finished the back and was ¾ of the way done with one of the front pieces(knitting while in the car two weekends ago,) when sadly we got to our destination and I found that I had somehow gotten off pattern about a 1/3 of the way back. ARGH! SO frustrating! It is these setbacks that have discouraged me to the point of giving up several times. Then I go back to it and determine I will finish it and then wham! I make another beginner mistake. YIKES!!! Add to this the fear that it won’t fit, or she won’t like it…I am discouraged again. More later…

I took 2 days off work last week(for sanity.) We were actually supposed to be on our canoeing trip but with job changes and so forth it just wasn’t going to work to take a week off for us. We rescheduled our canoeing trip to October, which was the time we were supposed to go to Las Vegas. As a result we pushed our Vegas trip back to December(our 24^th anniversary.) Did you follow all of that?!? *wink* So instead of the whole week I took 2 days off creating a 4 day weekend! I had two goals for my weekend: A. Finish painting the kitchen and B. Finish the sweater.

Thursday I got up early and painted. Then mid morning I went and had coffee with my parents(YUM!) I painted all afternoon and pretty much finished the painting. I did the touch ups on Friday and I am happy to say that the main painting in the kitchen, and living room is complete! Yeah!!! I have since decided to sand and paint the railings on the stairs and a few window sills where there is wear and tear. The warm and lovely butter yellow and bright orange make me VERY happy and though I’ve had mixed reviews I love it!

Friday Timothy was also off work and we spent the day entirely together. I got up early and touched up the paint job, then we went to see the movie Date Night at 9:45 a.m. Let me suggest that you go to see a movie that has been out for a few weeks at the earliest showing on a Friday. We had the entire theater to ourselves. It was a funny movie! Following the movie we went to lunch at Red Lobster where we ate crab legs(the craving we went to fulfill.) Though the food was disappointing over all, the crab was wonderful. After lunch we shopped for Hannah’s Birthday(Hannah will be 20 on July 14^th – we have a Hisey tradition of “20 days of 20” which is a 20 day celebration of turning 20. Every day there is a small gift for the birthday girl.) Why you ask??? It started because I was so amazed at how quickly it came that Peter would be in his 20’s and I wanted to mark this milestone in some way and this is what we came up with. I intend to post a picture each day of what she received. It will be fun!

Saturday was spent with my sister Laura. What fun! She stopped and got Starbucks for us on the way to pick me up. We had pedicures and manicures(we each chose the toe color for the other one – she ended with a dark fuchsia and I with a deep red.) Lunch was at Ivar’s seafood house in Mukilteo. We sat in the window right on the water and had Crab & Shrimp melts. Can I just say…YUM!!! They were really really good! After lunch we went shopping to pick up an item or two for Father’s day! Saturday evening Timothy and I went to see a preview showing of Knight & Day with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. What a fun movie – action, romance, humor!

Sunday was of course worship service, and lunch with the family for Father’s day. We spent the afternoon in our chair watching movies with the girls. Timothy had to work from 5 p.m. – 12 a.m.(what genius scheduled the special project on Father’s day?!?) I spent the evening hanging out and then went to bed early.

A delightful 4 day weekend! I got the painting done, but didn’t even touch the sweater. The weekend was just so relaxing and enjoyable I didn’t want to soil it with frustration and discouragement. I am however still determined to finish it. If it doesn’t fit oh well, and if she doesn’t like it ok. I just have to finish it for myself at this point.

Another thing…my digital camera is broken. It was very sad. Timothy found a nearly new one(very much like one my niece just got for her birthday) at Goodwill for $20 with his discount! Yeah! I’m so thankful to have a camera…now maybe I will be able to post pictures along with our blog!

Ok my 15 minutes is up…HaHa!!! I have taken several phone calls, and had a couple of conversations…so 15 minutes in 3 minute increments here and there. Have a great day! J.

Baby News

Last night Peter and Daphne came over. She had been to see the Dr. and had had another ultrasound. Peter had a shoe box with the cutest little pink and white pair of Puma tennis shoes in it. Yep! That's right!

IT'S A GIRL!!!

We are having a grand-daughter! What a joy this all is! J.

Out of My Comfort Zone - Conclusion

I did it! I auditioned! There were 6 Fishnet board members and 11 others in the room. The auditions were from 7 – 9 p.m. To start with there was a lot of yammering and inside jokes by the board members. In any other setting this would have really annoyed me, but I was so thankful to see the clock ticking away…time when I was not given a script and asked to read. Then it happened, the director gave scripts to a couple of people and said start on page # _ and away it went…I was so thankful not to have to go first. It helped me a lot to be able to watch the process a little before it was my turn.

I could feel it coming…I knew it was my turn and sure enough he handed me the script. I was reading for the part of a middle aged woman named Karen. She is angry…at her husband, at her daughter. Her daughter had eloped rather than hash out wedding plans with her controlling mother. So in the first scene Karen and her husband(read by Timothy thankfully) are arguing over nothing…like a robot I stood and walked to the stage. I was intimidated, nervous, shaking, and I know I looked like a deer in the headlights. It was an out of body experience…every eye in the room was boring into me. I wanted to die…literally I stood there wanting to die. My stomach was churning and I couldn’t really see anything…I had the first line and panic set in when it didn’t come…I looked at Timothy who said “Ok, let’s go.” I took a deep breath and said the line as I walked across the stage. Being a “cold read,” meaning having not learned the lines in advance, I struggled to have my lines and follow the stage direction in the script. I laughed nervously at one point, and lost character a couple of times. Then the buzzer, and the first read was over. My rubber legs carried me back to my chair where my ears went totally deaf, my face was hot with humiliation and my heart thudded nearly out of my chest. It wasn’t all bad…in hindsight I think I did ok…for my first try.

Other auditions went on for the next 15 minutes, and just when I had come back to my senses he handed me the script again. Those non-actors out there can probably relate to my horror, but again like a robot I stood and walked to the stage. This scene was a phone conversation between Karen and her daughter…long story but they didn’t realize they were in the same room. It was a little easier…I was blind, but I could hear. I walked through the lines, trying hard to just do my best. I flubbed a line terribly, but there were moments of not too bad. It makes me laugh thinking about it. The blessed buzzer, and then the chair again. Same deafness, same hot face, same thudding heart.

There were two other women reading for the part. Watching them read made me feel better. First I felt that my interpretation of Karen and her words was better than one of the ladies and second the other woman,(the directors wife) was FAR better than the two others of us. Both of these things made me feel relief. About and hour and a half in I read for the third time. This scene is a more emotional scene between Karen and her daughter where they are hashing out some of the problems between them. The feeling of summoning death was really heavy during this scene…I can totally relate to the character of Karen…and have had this very conversation with Hannah on so many occasions. One would think this would’ve prepared me for knocking it out of the park, but that was not the case. Again I felt my approach to the lines was good, but I was tired, wrung out and I so badly wanted it to be over. Though I know I was yet stiff, and awkward I really felt the emotion of this scene. As Karen was telling her daughter that she knows she’s been sniping and controlling, and she knows her daughter is growing up, but it’s hard as a mom…I could totally relate. I welcomed the buzzer and sat.

It was all I could do to sit there another half hour. Every scene I prayed “Lord please let me be invisible, please let him give the script to someone else, please let me be invisible.” I was exhausted, and done. I wanted to run out the door and never look back. Thankfully God heard my prayers and I never received the script again.

It took 2 hours for my stomach to stop hurting, my heart to return to a normal beat, and my face to return to its normal color.

Timothy came home from the after auditions board meeting with news that I had NOT gotten the part(Thank you Jesus!) It was given to the director’s wife. She has 30 years of acting experience, and is a drama teacher at a local Christian high school, so of course she is a seasoned actor and should have the part. RELIEF!!! I am SO thankful that it is over, that I wasn’t offered the part and that I can put this wretchedness behind me and be done with it. My only regret: I wish I had known that the director’s wife already had the part going into auditions, because then I could’ve avoided the entire thing…I wouldn’t have had to audition and go through all the emotional trauma of humiliating myself, nearly having a heart attack, or wishing for death.

I did learn something in the process.
A. There is no latent actor pent up inside of me just waiting to come out.
B. Don’t eat Panda Express right before a potentially stressful experience.
C. I love my husband so much I would jump in front of a…group of seasoned actors and humiliate myself
D. Last but not least…Dad was right(don’t tell him I said so) “Embarrassment is not the end of the world!”

Timothy – For your sake I’m sorry I wasn’t a natural. I know you had your heart set on the two of us acting together. In spite of the dread, and horror, I gave it my best, I truly tried with everything I had. It just wasn’t meant to be. I don’t know how I am going to use up the marital capital I gained in doing this for you…you may want to prepare yourself because you know what they say about pay backs. *winks* I love you Baby! J.

Out of My Comfort Zone

Out of my comfort zone does not come close to describing it. Tonight I am auditioning for a part in a Fishnet Theatre play. What??? I know right?!? I have never acted in my life…ok I played a saloon girl in a western in Jr. High…and all I did was sit on the lap of a Jr. High cowboy who acted like I was a real saloon girl(he was all hands.) Not a great experience! Auditioning is not entirely by my own choice. I’m doing it solely for Timothy. When your husband says “It would really mean a lot to me…” what is a girl supposed to do? He has said I could back out, but I can see it in his face…it really would mean a lot to him.

Never mind the many real reasons why it would be terribly difficult if I would get a part and actually have to tour with the play(time, over-commitment, stage fright, loading and unloading the trailer etc.), I don’t even know if I can act. Never a dream of mine, acting, seems like something other people do…the overly emotive, extroverted, melodramatic, attention seeking people…right? While I can be melodramatic, and who doesn’t like people to pay attention to them, it’s just not in my nature to think acting would be a good idea.

So here I sit at a cross-road…today is the day! My heart is racing with fear, self-consciousness, guilt, and dread. All I can think about is kindly explaining to Timothy that I just can’t do it and book foot the other direction. But I know in my heart that he would be horribly disappointed and that makes me sad.

What will I do?!? YIKES!! I can’t wait to see how this cliff hanger ends…Stay tuned for the full story tonight at 11:00 p.m.

J.

Life

It's so easy to get caught up in doing everyday things and forget to actively live every moment. We don't take time to appreciate and bask in the routine joy in the small things. Things like: the little fingerprints on the back of the car in front of us this morning, the feeling of Timothy's leg against my foot as I awoke today, the look of the freshly vacuumed carpet, the smell in Starbucks, the still lovely purple tulips leftover from Saturday's WIC high tea, the squeeze of an old hand as you greet them in their hospital bed, experiencing a great waiter who has your drink at the table as you are swallowing the last gulp, looking forward to seeing a dear friend tomorrow, hearing the sound of your child's voice for the first time in a month, belly laughing at someone saying something unexpected, the dismay as the accountant finds your mistake, the ice resettling in my cup of water, the 2 pounds I lost this week, the package that arrived for me at work(a cleaning kit for my check scanning machine,) the tinkling of peaceful piano from my earbud, having lunch with my husband, the feeling of rain on your face as you run from the building to the car, the anxious anticipation of the audition for the upcoming Fishnet play, sharing a laugh with my husband over the road rage witnessed in the car in front of us that resulted in extensive horn blowing and flying of the birdie flag, the guilt because you have neglected a friend, the fun of getting together for brunch with family at a beloved sister's house, the look of disgust from the cat when woken, the beauty of wearing casual clothes to work on Friday, the burst of flavor from a piece of gum, the sound of the word "weekend." These things and thousands more ARE life. This is how we spend our lives, just...living. J.

Tool or Weapon?

I was thinking about the “Gaza Blockade” and the “Peaceful Flotilla of Relief Workers” who were hurt and killed.
Israel is under attack by Hamas and says it’s trying to protect its self.
I heard a “Relief Worker” State they wanted to break up the Blockade because it was wrong.
A blockade is a weapon of war.
The “Relief Workers” were given an option of another port to which they could go to be inspected and the supplies distributed.
The “Relief Workers” walked unarmed, with full knowledge, into a weapon of war.

I remembered a poem by Robert Frost:
The objection to being stepped on.

At the end of the row
I stepped on the toe
Of an unemployed hoe.
It rose in offense
And struck me a blow
In the seat of my sense.
It wasn't to blame
But I called it a name.
And I must say it dealt
Me a blow that I felt
Like a malice prepense.
You may call me a fool,
But was there a rule
The weapon should be
Turned into a tool?
And what do we see?
The first tool I step on
Turned into a weapon.

A hoe…
Tool or weapon?

Member of the Flotilla…
Relief Worker or Combatant?

Hmmmm?
T.

Light at the End of the Tunnel?

The light at the end of the tunnel is a little greater than a speck in the distance now. Soon the long hours, stress and millions of things to do for month end/beginning of the month will be done for this month. Things will again settle back into normal. But for now I am feeling shell shocked. My desk remains piled high with scads of things that need to be taken care of. My work week will end in 36 or so hours and I will begin to breathe the fresh air of weekend freedom. Until then…the phones will begin ringing in 1 hour and 15 minutes. Jim Brinkman is playing on my Pandora, a long cool drink of ice water, and now I guess I better buckle down and try to clear off some of this mess before then. J.