Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Flight of Ideas

So much is running through my mind this morning(not in any particular order):  Radiation, and what that will mean for us here on the West coast, tiredness...why do I try to stay up so late catching up on shows I want to watch(they are DVR'd right?), basking in the glow of evening sewing room last night(SO enjoy hanging out with my lady friends listening to the intermitant buzz of the machines...hearing about this one's son who has a new love, and that one's new knitting project...and I love to see all that we accomplished in 2 hours on a Tuesday night...and just the joy of sewing yellow and white squares together).  Feeling so unable to meet the needs of those who depend on me/us.  Frustration over unmet goals(projects that just never seem to get spite of my extreme interest in them.)  Crazy weather...rain, wind, dark clouds, hail, pouring rain, more wind, sun breaks...yesterday had it all...what will today bring.  Concern for my kids and all thats going on in their lives...waiting on results from biopsys, new jobs, trials, foolish decisions, lack of focus/drive, unmet longings...etc.  Love for my grandbaby Eva...who thank the Lord, this weekend I was able to have lot's of holding, loving, snuggling, laughing, smiles, and mostly lot's and lot's of drool!  Waiting patiently for right timing to step out in faith, to share openly, to buy, to hear, to accept what's coming, to make decisions, to rest in God's sovereign plan for my/our life. floss daily, to pick up my clothes every day, to eat more healthfully, to drink much less diet Coke, to drink more water, to go to bed earlier, to stay up late, to make the call, not to get up with the alarm, to speak, not to speak, to work hard, to do just enough to get by, to cut my hair or let it grow, to smile when I feel like many choices.  The need to pull the trigger on several very important things...the pressure and anxiety that immediately rises when I write those words.  Facing frustrations, limitations, likely bad news...all with grace, wisdom, faith, and strength.  Deeply held joy that is too often strangled by negativity in myself and those around me.  The promise held within a budding narcissus...seeing the first pink blossom opening in the trees.  The comfort of my Mattie resting on my chest with his face near mine and a pleasant little teenaged kitty purr rumbling in his chest.  So many things...running through my mind and out through my fingertips onto the screen.  Outside of myself where I can look at them more abstractly...without so much emotion attached to them.  So thankful.  J.

No comments:

Post a Comment